Week 20 – Aha why the negative!

The discovery

What at tough week.  Focusing on the negative emotions that we all at some time in our life have experienced. Anger, fear, guilt, unworthiness and hurt feelings.  I definitely focussed.  I felt them.  In fact I noticed a very big pattern that I have had since I was a child and I can see in other family members which has probably been passed down for generations.  When negative events or traumatic circumstances occur in my life, I ruminate about them.

The background

It has been quite a journey over the last few month.  In earlier blogs I have mentioned that I started a relationship which I jumped into with both feet.  It felt fantastic.  Looking back at conversations the person told me who they were and what their past was like.  I still accepted them without judgement, which they appreciated.  However, I should hae been more curious (old that thought because curiosity is what I’m going to come back to).

As the relationship progressed, I was doing my sit everyday and my intuition was high,  but things seemed not to be adding up between what he was saying and his action or lack of them.  My reactions towards this was exactly that a reaction and involved emotional outbursts of anger, hurt feelings or fear of getting hurt.

The relationship ended and not in a way that was mutually respectful.  My worst fears were realised and I was hurt.

The aha

As you can imagine when things have went pear shape in a relationship it can take time to recover and finding out the person had been cheating was a double whammy.  If you have every been deceived like this then you know you go over and over the past to reflect on when things would have happened with this new information in mind.

This train of thought lead me to my discovery in my own thought patterns.  I had however given myself time to figure it all out and get over it.  At first I was in denial, then I got angry and then I grieved.  I eventually accepted that it had happened and I could even draw positives from the situations.  I even called the guy because he had not actually ended it properly and I wanted to make peace and let go.  Yet I was still waking up to what should be a new day still feeling hurt,  I could physically feel the worry in my body.  Everything still going over and over in my mind.

It had to stop.  I had to stop evaluating what had happened.  I was reliving it over and over again, it felt awful.  So I switched my focus to find a solution. I did a little bit of research on the internet to see what I could uncover.  I found a great article, which you can read below by following the link, about how to turn anger to compassion.  It explains a lot about what we are doing in the Master Keys.  We are cultivating compassion by focussing on kindness and using mindfulness.

It has made me realise that when situations arise that we need to deal with that cause us pain and suffering, bring up anger, unworthiness or fear then we do need to shed light on them and process them or they will come out some how in other ways.  However, going over things over and over again is not the answer either.

“Yesterday is buried forever and I will think of it no more” OG Mandino

By changing the focus of yesterday and even the focus on the future in to the present I am more likely to take action.  It is the regrets of yesterday and the fear of tomorrow that can cause all these negative emotions. If we are living in today and living with compassion and kindness then this will custivate good thoughts and happiness in the present.  So going back to curiosity. When the negative emotions do come up in ourselves or in others around us see them as a guide to look deeper and be curious.  What are we pretending not to know?  Maybe these emotions can help us, they certainly helped me.

https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/how_to_turn_brain_anger_compassion

 

 

 

 

 

 

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